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When You Want Another Baby and Your Partner Doesn't
6 therapist-backed ways to navigate this deeply emotional decision without losing yourself or your relationship<
It starts as a quiet tug. A wondering. A whisper in the back of your mind:<
"Could we do it again?"<
You look at your children and imagine one more. A sibling. A full house. A chapter that doesn't feel quite finished yet.<
But then your partner says no.<
Not "maybe later." Not "let's talk about it." Just... no.<
Maybe they're worried about money. Or mental health. Or the strain it could put on your relationship. Or maybe they simply don't feel the same pull you do.<<
Whatever the reason, now you're left holding something heavy and hard to talk about:<
You want another baby—and they don't.<
And it hurts.<<
You're Not Alone in This Struggle
As a therapist who works closely with moms in the messy middle of motherhood, I can tell you: This is more common than you think.<
It's also incredibly hard to talk about—even with close friends.<
You might feel grief, resentment, longing, confusion—or all of the above. And here's the hard truth: there's no easy answer.<<
Real-Life Scenario: Sarah's Story
"Every time I see my daughter with her friends who have younger siblings, I feel this ache. Like our family picture is missing someone. But when I brought it up to my husband, he shut down completely."<
Sarah's experience is heartbreakingly common. She was afraid to share her longing because she didn't want to pressure him. He was afraid to share his fears because he didn't want to hurt her.<
The result? Both felt isolated in their own pain.<<
The Emotional Journey You're On
The Longing
That persistent feeling that your family isn't complete yet<<
The Conversation
Finally bringing it up, only to hear "no"<<
The Disconnect
Feeling isolated, resentful, or misunderstood<<<
But there are steps you can take to feel more clear and more connected.< Here are the ways I help my clients walk this journey.<<<
Finding this helpful?< Wanting another child isn't always just about a baby. It's about what that baby represents.< A chance to re-do a difficult postpartum experience and "get it right" this time<< The feeling of family feeling complete or whole<< A desire to stay in the season of young motherhood a little longer<< An identity that feels tethered to caregiving and nurturing<< The joy of pregnancy, birth, or breastfeeding that you miss<< Fear that your purpose will feel unclear when this season ends<<<<
Ask yourself:< "If I knew I couldn't have another baby... what would I grieve most?"< Take time to journal on this question. Your answer might reveal:< Why this matters:< Naming what this desire is really about helps you stay connected to your deeper self—and gives you more ways to meet those needs, whether or not a baby is part of the outcome.<<<
Before: Surface-Level< "I just really want another baby. I can't stop thinking about it."<< After: Naming the Deeper Need< "I've been thinking about what's really underneath this longing. I think part of it is that I had such a hard time postpartum with our first, and I feel like I missed out on enjoying those early months. Another part of it is that I love being a mom to little ones, and I'm not ready for that phase to be over. I'm trying to understand if there are other ways I can meet those needs, but I also just wanted to share what's been coming up for me."<<<<
This is a no-win scenario in many ways.< If you push forward, your partner may feel depleted or resentful.< If you let go of the dream, you may carry a quiet ache.<< There is grief either way. "I'm not trying to convince you right now. I just want to share what's coming up for me, and hear what's coming up for you too."<< Not to force a solution. But to create emotional safety around the unsolvable.<< When you validate that there's loss on both sides of this decision, something shifts. You move from adversaries to teammates facing a hard truth together.< Your partner isn't the enemy. The situation is. And honoring both perspectives creates space for real intimacy—even in disagreement.<<<
"We were stuck in this loop where I felt unheard and he felt pressured. Then in therapy, we both just... cried. I cried about the baby I was grieving. He cried about feeling like he was failing me. That's when we realized we weren't on opposite teams—we were both just scared and sad."< The shift wasn't about agreeing. It was about acknowledging each other's pain as real and valid.<<<
Instead of looping in the "yes or no" conversation, try zooming out. Talk about the life you're building, not just the decision in front of you.< About the Future< "What kind of future do we both imagine five or ten years from now? What does our family life look like?"<< About Values< "What values do we want to build our family life around? How does this decision align with those values?"<< About Support< "What kind of emotional, financial, and relational support would need to be in place for us to even revisit this conversation?"<< About Fears< "What are you most afraid of if we do have another baby? What are you most afraid of if we don't?"<< About Partnership< "How can we make sure we're protecting our relationship, regardless of what we decide?"<< About Capacity< "What would need to change for you to feel like we have the capacity for another child?"<<<< Sometimes resistance isn't about a hard "no." It's about fear, or burnout, or a belief that things couldn't be different.< When you zoom out to the bigger questions, you create space for nuance. Maybe your partner isn't against another child—they're against the version of parenthood where they feel depleted and disconnected. Maybe you're not longing for a baby—you're longing for the closeness you felt as a new family.<<< The goal isn't to change their mind.< It's to understand what's underneath the fear, and see if there's a path forward that honors both of you.<<<
Want to come back to this later?< When we're caught in the ache of wanting something—especially something as meaningful as a child—it's easy for our entire focus to narrow to that one outcome.< But what if the real goal isn't just another baby? What if the deeper goal is getting through this hard moment with your partner with connection still intact?<< Convince my partner to have another baby<< Navigate this disagreement in a way that deepens our relationship<<< When you reframe the goal this way, it becomes less about winning or losing—and more about weathering something difficult together.< You're not adversaries on opposite sides of a decision. You're partners navigating grief, fear, and longing as a team.<<< What kind of relationship do we want to build through this?<< How can we understand each other's pain, even if we don't agree?<< What would it look like to grow closer in the middle of not knowing?<< How can we both feel heard and valued, regardless of the outcome?<<<< The beautiful truth:< Even if the decision doesn't change, the way you move through it—together—can lead to deeper trust and connection.<<<
Old Approach< "Why don't you understand how important this is to me?"< (Creates defensiveness and distance)<< New Approach< "I want us to be able to talk about this in a way where we both feel heard and safe. Can we try to understand what this means for each of us, even if we're not on the same page yet?"< (Creates safety and partnership)<<<<
This is a season that calls for deep self-compassion. No one wins by pushing past their own limits or their partner's boundaries.< "If this chapter ends without another baby, who do I want to become?"< "What will I need to grieve well, and live fully?"<<< You are still growing. Still parenting. Still loving.< Your identity isn't limited to one path.<<<
Your sadness is valid. Your longing is real. You don't need to minimize it or "get over it" on anyone else's timeline.<< Journal, talk to a therapist, confide in trusted friends. Don't carry this alone.<< It's okay to mute pregnancy announcements or skip baby showers while you heal. Protect your heart.<<<<
Whether you're feeling stuck in your decision, overwhelmed by the grief, or unsure how to communicate with your partner, therapy is a safe place to process. You don't have to figure this out alone.< Therapy is a space to untangle all the emotions—grief, longing, resentment, confusion—without judgment. It can help you make sense of what you're really hoping for, and why this desire feels so big.<< Having a therapist help support you in having hard conversations with your partner can help prevent resentments from building and keep your relationship from drifting apart.<< Therapy can support you both in moving forward together, even if you're not on the same page (yet). Whether that means finding new ways to connect, revisiting the conversation with more clarity, or learning how to hold different hopes with compassion.<<<< With the right support, even the hardest conversations can become opportunities for deeper connection and understanding.< You deserve support in walking this path.<<
The longing or grief feels overwhelming and constant<< You and your partner are avoiding the conversation or fighting about it<< You feel resentful toward your partner or your current children<< You're struggling to be present in your current life<< You need help processing what this means for your identity and future<<<<<
Understand what's really underneath the longing<< Validate both your pain and your partner's<< Zoom out beyond yes/no to values and vision<< From "baby" to protecting your bond<< Decide who you want to be, either way<< Therapy helps you navigate this together<<<<<
Wanting another child when your partner doesn't is a very difficult experience. One that deserves time, reflection, and support.< There's no perfect solution—but there is a way to move forward with clarity and connection.< If this is something you're struggling with, you don't have to push down your longing—or lose yourself in it.<<<
Therapy can help you process this decision in a safe, supportive space—whether you come alone or as a couple.< North Austin's compassionate therapy practice for moms and families<<<
Was this helpful?< Join our newsletter for compassionate guidance on navigating motherhood's hardest moments.< Bloom Psychology< North Austin's Therapy Practice for Moms & Families<<< Join hundreds of moms receiving monthly mental health insights, evidence-based tips, and new articles. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. Work with Dr. Jana Rundle, a licensed psychologist specializing in maternal mental health. Jana Rundle Licensed Clinical Psychologist Practical guide for partners: how to recognize postpartum depression and anxiety, what to say, what not to say, and how to actually help. “I feel like my child is at the top of a to-do list of never-ending to-dos.”
That’s how one mom recently described her experience of motherhood. She wasn’t lacking love for her child—she was overwhelmed by the relentless demands. And quietly, she wondered if something was wrong with her for feeling that way.
But what if nothing is wrong with you? What if motherhood, for many, doesn’t feel joyful—it feels like exhaustion, anxiety, or even regret? If that’s where you are, you’re not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong.
At Bloom Psychology, we hear this quiet truth all the time: "I love my baby, but I don’t love this." Or: "I thought I’d feel happy, but mostly I feel overwhelmed." These are brave admissions in a world that still expects moms to “love every moment.”
Partners play a crucial role in recovery from postpartum depression, yet often receive little guidance. Learn effective support strategies based on recent clinical findings... Take the first step with a free 15-minute consultation.Name the Deeper Need Behind the Baby
<What might you really be longing for?
Reflection Exercise: The "Why" Behind the Want
<<What This Sounds Like in Real Conversation
Honor the Grief on Both Sides
<
And that grief deserves space, not judgment.<
Your Grief Might Look Like:
<Their Grief Might Look Like:
<<
A Phrase That Opens the Door
Why Acknowledging Both Griefs Matters
Real-Life Scenario: The Turning Point
Ask the Bigger Questions—Together
<Questions That Open Deeper Conversations
Why This Reframe Changes Everything
Reframe the Goal: From "Baby" to "Bond"
<Old Goal
New Goal
This Shift Changes Everything
Questions to Ask Together
Conversation Framework: Shifting from Adversaries to Allies
Decide Who You Want to Be, Either Way
<The Questions That Define Your Path Forward
Creating Your Path Forward
If You Move Forward Without Another Baby
<If Your Partner Comes Around
<<<Self-Compassion Practices for This Season
Permission to Feel
Space to Process
Boundary with Triggers
Therapy Can Help (For You, or For Both of You)
<How Therapy Supports You Through This
Untangle the Emotions
Navigate Hard Conversations
Move Forward Together
Signs It's Time to Reach Out for Support
The 6 Steps to Navigate This Decision
Name the Deeper Need
Honor the Grief
Ask Bigger Questions
Reframe the Goal
Define Your Path
Get Support
Gentle Takeaway
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