"Wait, Did I Just Think That?!" — Let's Talk About Intrusive Thoughts
If you've ever had a scary, disturbing, or completely random thought pop into your head out of nowhere—and then spiraled into panic wondering what it means about you—you're not alone. Let's talk about intrusive thoughts, why they happen, and what to do when your brain won't shut up.
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You're holding your baby, everything is peaceful, and suddenly your brain whispers something horrifying: "What if I dropped them?"
Or you're driving, and out of nowhere you think, "What if I just swerved into oncoming traffic?"
Maybe you're in the middle of a conversation and your brain goes: "What if I just said something wildly inappropriate right now?"
Your heart races. You feel sick. You think: "What is WRONG with me? Normal people don't think like this."
Here's what I need you to know: You're not broken. You're not dangerous. And you're definitely not alone.
These are called intrusive thoughts, and they're way more common than you think. In fact, research shows that 94% of people experience intrusive thoughts at some point. For new moms? That number is even higher.
"Having an intrusive thought doesn't mean you want to do it, believe it, or that it says anything true about who you are. It's just your brain being hypervigilant—trying to protect you in the most awkward way possible."
What Are Intrusive Thoughts? 🧠
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, involuntary thoughts, images, or urges that pop into your mind—usually when you least expect them. They can be:
- Violent or aggressive (thoughts about harming yourself or others)
- Sexual or taboo (unwanted sexual thoughts or images)
- Blasphemous or sacrilegious (thoughts that violate your religious beliefs)
- Fears about contamination or illness
- Doubts about safety ("Did I lock the door? What if I didn't?")
- Completely random and bizarre ("What if I'm not real?")
The key thing about intrusive thoughts? They go against your values. They feel shocking, disturbing, and wrong because they're the opposite of what you actually want or believe.
💡 Here's the thing: Having the thought is NOT the same as wanting to act on it. Your reaction (horror, fear, disgust) is proof that these thoughts don't align with who you are.
Why Do Intrusive Thoughts Happen? (Especially to New Moms) 🤱
Your brain is always scanning for threats—it's called the negativity bias, and it's an evolutionary survival mechanism. But sometimes, this protective system goes into overdrive.
For New Moms: The Perfect Storm
New motherhood creates the perfect conditions for intrusive thoughts:
1️⃣ Hormonal Chaos
After birth, your hormones drop dramatically. This affects serotonin, dopamine, and other brain chemicals that regulate mood and anxiety. Your brain is literally rewiring itself.
2️⃣ Sleep Deprivation
Lack of sleep impairs your brain's ability to regulate emotions and filter out unnecessary thoughts. Everything feels more intense and harder to dismiss.
3️⃣ Hypervigilance
You're responsible for a tiny, vulnerable human. Your brain goes into threat-detection overdrive, constantly scanning for danger. Sometimes it scans too hard and generates "what if" scenarios that feel terrifying.
4️⃣ Anxiety and OCD Tendencies
Postpartum anxiety and OCD are incredibly common. Intrusive thoughts are a hallmark symptom of both. Your brain gets stuck in a loop of "what if" and "but what if I really did want that?"
🌸 Important: Intrusive thoughts are a symptom of anxiety, NOT a sign of psychosis or danger. Postpartum psychosis is rare (0.1-0.2% of births) and has very different symptoms like hallucinations, delusions, and confusion about reality.
Intrusive Thoughts vs. Postpartum Psychosis: Know the Difference 🚨
This is the fear that keeps many moms from getting help: "What if telling someone about these thoughts means they think I'm dangerous?"
Let me be crystal clear: Intrusive thoughts are NOT the same as postpartum psychosis.
Intrusive Thoughts (Common & Distressing)
- Thoughts feel unwanted, scary, and distressing
- You don't want to act on them
- You're horrified by the thoughts
- You're aware they're just thoughts (not commands or messages)
- You might avoid situations that trigger the thoughts
Postpartum Psychosis (Rare & Requires Immediate Help)
- Confusion about what's real vs. not real
- Hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren't there)
- Delusions (false beliefs, like thinking your baby is possessed)
- Believing you need to act on thoughts (feeling compelled or commanded)
- Extreme mood swings, paranoia, or disorganized behavior
⚠️ If you or someone you love is experiencing postpartum psychosis symptoms:
This is a medical emergency. Go to the ER or call 911. Postpartum psychosis is treatable, but it requires immediate professional intervention. Do not wait.
If you're reading this and panicking because you have intrusive thoughts—you almost certainly do NOT have postpartum psychosis. The fact that you're distressed by your thoughts and worried about them is a good sign that you're experiencing intrusive thoughts, not psychosis.
"The thought 'What if I hurt my baby?' is terrifying because you would NEVER want that. Your fear is proof of your love, not evidence of danger."
What Makes Intrusive Thoughts Worse? 🔁
Here's the cruel irony: Trying to suppress intrusive thoughts makes them stronger.
It's called the "white bear effect"—when you try NOT to think about something, your brain fixates on it even more. ("Don't think about a white bear" → now you're thinking about a white bear.)
Common Thought Spirals That Keep You Stuck:
🌀 "What does this thought mean about me?"
You start analyzing the thought, searching for hidden meaning. "Am I secretly a terrible person? Do I subconsciously want this?" This gives the thought more power.
🌀 "I need to make sure I never think this again."
You try to suppress or control your thoughts, which paradoxically makes them come back stronger.
🌀 "What if I lose control and act on it?"
You start avoiding situations (like holding your baby near stairs or driving with passengers) to prevent the thought from becoming reality.
🌀 "I need to confess this thought to someone."
You seek reassurance constantly, but reassurance only provides temporary relief. The thought comes back, and the cycle continues.
💡 The truth: Intrusive thoughts thrive on attention. The more you fight them, the louder they get. The key is learning to notice them without engaging.
How to Handle Intrusive Thoughts: What Actually Helps ✨
Here's what I teach my clients who struggle with intrusive thoughts. These strategies are backed by research and years of clinical experience.
1. Name It: "That's Just an Intrusive Thought"
When the thought appears, label it: "Oh, that's an intrusive thought. My brain is being hypervigilant again."
This creates distance between you and the thought. It's not your thought—it's just brain noise.
2. Don't Engage or Analyze
Resist the urge to figure out "what it means" or "why you thought it." Intrusive thoughts don't mean anything—they're just misfiring neurons.
Instead, let the thought pass like a cloud drifting by. You don't have to grab onto it or push it away.
3. Practice "Thought Defusion"
This is an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) technique. Instead of "I'm going to hurt my baby," reframe it as:
"I'm having the thought that I might hurt my baby."
This small shift reminds you: thoughts are not facts. You're observing the thought, not believing it.
4. Resist Reassurance-Seeking
Asking "Am I a bad person?" or "Would I really do that?" feels comforting in the moment, but it actually reinforces the thought loop.
Instead, practice sitting with the uncertainty. "Maybe I can't be 100% sure, and that's okay."
5. Anchor Yourself in the Present
When intrusive thoughts spiral, bring yourself back to right now:
- Name 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
This 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique interrupts the anxiety spiral and brings you back to safety.
6. Get Professional Support (Especially for Perinatal OCD)
If intrusive thoughts are frequent, distressing, or interfering with your ability to function, you might be dealing with postpartum anxiety or perinatal OCD.
Evidence-based treatments like Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are incredibly effective for intrusive thoughts.
"You don't have to believe every thought your brain produces. Thoughts are just mental events—they don't define you, predict the future, or require your action."
When to Get Help: Red Flags vs. Normal Anxiety 🩺
Most intrusive thoughts are uncomfortable but manageable. However, you should reach out for professional support if:
🚨 Signs You Need Professional Support:
- Intrusive thoughts are happening multiple times a day
- You're avoiding situations because of the thoughts (e.g., not holding your baby, not driving)
- The thoughts are interfering with daily functioning (can't sleep, eat, care for baby)
- You're engaging in compulsive behaviors to neutralize the thoughts (checking, counting, seeking reassurance)
- You feel unable to bond with your baby due to fear
- You're experiencing severe anxiety or panic attacks
- You're having thoughts of harming yourself
It's okay to need help. Intrusive thoughts are treatable, and you don't have to suffer in silence.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Your Thoughts 💙
If you're reading this because you've been tormented by intrusive thoughts, I want you to know: You are not broken. You are not dangerous. You are not a bad mom.
Your brain is working overtime to keep you and your baby safe. Sometimes it misfires and generates scary scenarios. That's anxiety doing what anxiety does—it's not a reflection of who you are or what you want.
The fact that these thoughts horrify you is proof that they don't align with your values. A person who would actually harm their baby wouldn't be distressed by the thought—they'd rationalize it or plan it. Your fear is evidence of your love.
You deserve peace of mind.
You deserve to feel safe in your own thoughts again.
Ready to Find Relief from Intrusive Thoughts?
At Bloom Psychology, we specialize in treating postpartum anxiety, OCD, and intrusive thoughts. You don't have to navigate this alone.
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